We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
