so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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