i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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