the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
