Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
