my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
