I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize