you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
