can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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