Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

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(613): View more from Ontario

If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...

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(515): View more from Iowa

You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.

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(813): View more from Florida

The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.

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(785): View more from Kansas

My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth

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(347): View more from New York

New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt

(858): View more from California

Peter this is your "ex"

(347): View more from New York

I stand by what i said

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