i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
