My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I love having hate sex.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
