i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
