Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
