He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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