that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize