Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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