I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
