Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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