I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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