Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
