hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I currently don't understand fingers.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize