if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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