need another drink. this is the easiest way
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry about my life...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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