Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
