What tipped you off? The sombrero?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
