do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
