sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
