we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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