I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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