I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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