i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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