do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
