its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
