It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
