why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
