There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
