We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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