Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
