so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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