She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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