So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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