I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
