oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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