I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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