obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
