I hate your face
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are we still banned from the library?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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