ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
