you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
