Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
