Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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