they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
