Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize