i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
