I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize