so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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