If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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