What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
