the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
