you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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