I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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