I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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