I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
