dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
