I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
