Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
