Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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