When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
