I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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