Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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