wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
