we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
