Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
