I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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