He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
