We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
