Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
