At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
and you fell through a lawn chair
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
