Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
