but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
