Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
