He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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