It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
