it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
