If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
