Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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