dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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