I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
