so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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