battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
