NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
