apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
