i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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