girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
