I'm lost and stupid without you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
