Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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