Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
