I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
