Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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