It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
