Your dad touched me again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
