Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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