If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
